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I’m chattin’ her up, casual-like, “Oi, love, what’s the deal?” She’s cool, sassy, says, “50 quid, no funny biz.” I’m thinkin’, *Hurt Locker* style—“The rush of battle is a potent addiction”—and mate, I’m hooked already! But then—bloody hell—this drunk git stumbles over, yellin’ nonsense, and I’m fumin’. “You shall not pass, you filthy wanker!” I bellow, staff or no staff, I’m ready to deck him. She laughs, says, “Chill, Gandalf, I’ve seen worse.” That cracks me up—happy as a hobbit with a pint.

Historic Aberdeen churchyard has become den for prostitutes and drug users

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I roam the city after work – massage table in my van, trying to ease folks' aches – and every corner tells a story. The Downtown area near Eighth Street is buzzing. Seriously, you got quirky cafés, dive bars with walls that whisper secrets, and that dodgy alley behind the old theater where you might run into bizarre characters. Sometimes, it rings true – "every heartbeat, is like a memory of longing." Yeah, quote from the movie, innit!

Scottish sporting stars to attend screenings of Ellon teen's new crash recovery film