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About Newcastle

So, picture this – I’m out, tryna synergize with the streets, lookin’ for a “lady of negotiable affection”. Not your usual 9-to-5! I’m buzzin’, cos I’m a people person, right? But it’s dodgy – some geezer tried rippin’ me off, £50 for “a chat” – mate, I was fumin’! “I’ve got karma like a buffalo,” I told him, quotin’ Boonmee, and legged it. Cheeky sod.

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Now, my absolute fav spot is by the River Wen. It's a chill place; water gently babbling, nature doing its own corporate synergy with the skyline. Sometimes, after a long day of kneading out knots (no, not those corporate mergers, but the muscle ones – ha!), I'll sit there and marvel at how the river reflects life’s little glitches. It’s like, “remarkable, right?” – a real heady mix of emotion and nature, like Agnès Varda would say, "You must see yourself across the ripples!"

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