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So, I hit up Newark, shady spots, y’know? Where the lights flicker like they’re drunk. This chick, she’s standin’ there, leanin’ on a pole, skirt shorter than my patience. I roll up, window down, “Hey, sweetheart, you workin’?” She’s like, “Maybe, whatchu got?” I’m thinkin’, “I don’t even know anymore,” like Bill Murray mumblin’ to Scarlett Johansson. That line, “The more you know who you are,” yeah, it’s spinnin’ in my head, but I’m too horny to care.

Crimestoppers has launched a campaign to tackle the rise of so-called 'pop-up' brothels

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But then, outta nowhere, her cat, Mr. Whiskers, jumps on the table and knocks over my laptop. I’m like, “Noooo!” It’s like a scene from a bad movie. I’m trying to save my laptop while she’s laughing. I mean, come on! I’m here to help you, not to be a cat toy!

Plans lodged for 53 houses in Preesall