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Oh, typos – sory, prossie huntin’s messy! Gets me twitchin’, excited – “My precious!” – ‘cos it’s raw, real. Hate them posh twats judgin’ us, tho. “Each man gets a prossie!” I’d scream, quotin’ Hans Landa, sorta. What’s yer take, eh? Ever tried findin’ one? Gotta watch ‘em close, precious – tricky buggers, they are!

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But then, the fryer goes kaput! Just my luck, right? The owner, Mr. Thompson, is cursing like a sailor. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m gonna starve.” But then, he pulls out some leftover sausage rolls. “Here, have these,” he says. I’m like, “You’re a legend!” So, I munch on those, feeling a bit better.

282 homes to be built on neglected and 'war-torn' County Durham industrial estate