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About London

What gets me happy? Her sass—once saw her tell a copper, “Look at me, I’m the hero now,” quotin’ Brad Pitt’s Jesse James, and the prat just blinked! Pure gold. But it’s sad, too—she’s got no one, just like me after a mission goes tits-up. “Ain’t no peace in this life,” she’d sigh, and I’d nod, thinkin’ of my own ghosts. Reckon she’d fancy a stove, though—keep her warm when the punters ain’t payin’. Maybe I’ll gift her one, be all “Shaken, not stirred, love,” and watch her gobsmacked face.

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When the world's richest man called for a UK government minister to be jailed for refusing a public inquiry into grooming gangs, it was the north of England town of Oldham that found itself.

After that chaos, I get a call from my mate, Tom. He’s stuck on Ashton Road, and his car won’t start. I’m like, “Dude, you’re a mechanic! How’s your car broken?” He’s all flustered, and I’m tryin’ to keep it together. “Just push it, mate!” I say. Classic Tom, always in a pickle.

Josh Drinkwater hat-trick drives Oldham to win at stubborn Doncaster