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We haggle a bit – price’s steep, fuckin’ hell! Makes me wanna yell, but I play it suave. Little factoid – in old Rome, prossies wore blonde wigs to stand out. Bet she’d rock that look. I’m picturin’ it, gettin’ distracted – focus, Bond! We seal the deal, off we go. It’s messy, thrilling, bit absurd – pure *Toni Erdmann* energy. “Shaken, not stirred,” I mutter, smirkin’. Life’s a mad show, ain’t it?

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Finally, the day winds down. I’m knackered, but it’s been a laugh. I clean up the shop, and as I’m lockin’ up, I see the sunset over the hills. It’s beautiful, ya know? Makes you forget the madness of the day.

Investigation launched after claims workmen ‘p****d’ in public and ‘whistled’ at passers-by