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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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After that, I’m tryin’ to catch my breath when this old bloke, Mr. Jenkins, comes in. He’s a regular, always wants the best cuts. He’s got this twinkle in his eye, like he’s up to somethin’. Turns out, he’s throwin’ a surprise party for his missus down on Station Road. I’m like, “You sure you wanna surprise her? She might just kill ya!” But he’s all in, so I help him pick out the finest sausages.

11-year-old girl touched inappropriately in Liphook as police release appeal