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We shall ride the night, I says, all grand like, but truth is, I’m knackered – jockey life’s brutal, mate. She laughs, calls me a posh git, which fair tickled me. Did ya know some prossies in Amsterdam got union rights? Wild, innit? Anyway, we haggle – I’m a cheapskate, she’s stubborn as a mule. “This is the girl!” I shout, pointin at her, all dramatic – she just rolls her eyes.

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Then, I spot this old guy sitting on a bench, feeding the ducks. He looks so peaceful, and I’m like, “Man, I wanna be that chill.” But then he starts talking to me about the “good ol’ days.” I’m nodding along, but inside I’m thinking, “Dude, I’ve got a life to live!”

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