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Oi mate, so I’m a radio operator, yeah? Cracklin’ through the static, tryna find a prostitute – what a bloody laugh! Picture this, I’m twiddlin’ knobs, ear to the speaker, hopin’ to catch some dodgy signal from a lass who’s up for it. Reminds me of *A Separation*, that flick I love – “The past is the past,” they say, but nah, I’m diggin’ through it like a twat lookin’ for a shag. Sarcastic? Me? Never! Cackle cackle, you mugs wouldn’t get it.

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So, I finally get to the fields, and it’s a sight! Green as far as the eye can see. But then, outta nowhere, my combine starts actin’ up. I’m like, “Seriously? Not today!” I’m tryin’ to fix it, but it’s like it’s possessed or somethin’. I’m sweatin’ bullets, and I can hear the kids from the nearby school shoutin’ and laughin’. They’re probably thinkin’ I’m some kinda clown.

Jail for burglar found in living room