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Oh, and get this – some prossies in Amsterdam, they’ve got unions! Proper worker’s rights, blew me mind. Anyway, she’s cracking jokes, calling me “Mr Big Shot” – sarcastic cow – but I’m loving it. “You’re the gleaner,” she says, “picking me outta the muck.” Spot on, that. Felt like a film star, me, not just some berk from Wernham Hogg.

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Finally, we got back to business. I started the bidding for this vintage bike. A beauty, I tell ya! But then, this bloke in the back—let’s call him Dave—keeps raising his hand. I’m thinking, “Mate, you really want this bike?” Turns out, he’s a collector. The bids went up and up. I was sweating bullets, but it was exhilarating!

Barnsley veterans feel 'let down' by sale of military cottages