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About Myself
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About Birmingham
Here’s a lil’ secret, ‘kay? Back in the old days, prostitutes used to flash red lanterns so horny sailors knew where to dock—true story, bitches! Ain’t that wild? Surprised me when I heard it, made me laugh my ass off. “Red light, green light, let’s go!” I mutter, struttin’ up to her. She’s all, “Whatchu want, kid?” and I’m like, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, lady! I got needs!” She smirks, and I’m thinkin’, *This is my kingdom now, assholes!*—straight outta *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes.
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Finally, the fire brigade shows up. They’re all calm and collected, while I’m about to lose it. Turns out it was just a drill. A DRILL! I could’ve been at that café, munching on scones!
Much-loved Horsforth fish shop opens its doors once again
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