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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Anyway, I head over to the local market on Hoo’s Main Road. It’s packed, as usual. I love the vibe there. Fresh produce, people chattin’, the smell of baked goods. But then, I spot this old dude tryin’ to haggle over a bag of potatoes. Like, c’mon man, it’s just spuds! But he’s all like, “I’ll give ya two quid for five!” I’m just standin’ there, laughin’ to myself.

Sutton Hoo burials may have been soldiers in Byzantine army