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About Liverpool

So, where d’ya start? Streets, obviously—grimy corners, flickering lights. Saw this one bird, right, legs like a giraffe, tottering in heels. Thought, “She’s gotta be one!” Nope, just a drunk lass from the pub. Waste of my bloody time! Fuming, I was—hate amateurs clogging the system. Reminds me of Lil’ Zé screaming, “Who’s laughing now, huh?” Nobody, mate, cos I’m still skint and horny.

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Then, during lunch, I decide to hit up the local café on George Street. Best sarnies in town, no joke. I order my usual—ham and cheese, can’t go wrong. But guess what? They’re out of ham! I mean, how do you run out of ham? It’s a café, not a fancy restaurant! So, I settle for a cheese toastie. Not the same, but whatever.

Easter message to residents from the Mayor of Hailsham