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Hey pal, so findin’ a prostitute, huh? I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” vibes. Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride, like *Toni Erdmann*—awkward, messy, real. You think it’s all sexy neon lights and quick cash? Nah, babe, it’s more like Winfried in a bad wig tryna vibe check ya soul. “Life is too short,” he’d say, right? But damn, the hustle’s real out there.

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We hit up the park on the corner of Ashburton Road. It’s a nice spot, loads of trees and stuff. I’m thinkin’, “If I were a dog, I’d totally be here.” And guess what? We find the little fella! He’s just chillin’ under a bench, like, “What’s all the fuss about?” The owner’s over the moon, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

Gosforth Group apologises to parents after fury over Newcastle school admissions rules