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In my head? I’m sizin’ her up—not for dinner, ya perv, just wonderin’ her story. Bet she’s got one helluva tale. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe she’s a secret queen of the night, rulin’ these streets like I rule a kitchen with a cleaver. “Let’s make this quick,” she snaps, and I’m like, “Fine, but I’m worth it.” Total lie—Brandon-level delusion.

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave shows up. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s like, “You won’t believe what happened at the pub last night!” I’m thinkin’, “Oh boy, here we go.” Turns out, he tried to impress this girl by doin’ a backflip off the bar. Spoiler alert: he landed flat on his face. Classic Dave! I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly drop a pane of glass.

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