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Here’s a little factoid for ya—didja know in ancient Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs? True story! Stand out from the “good girls,” right? I’m imaginin’ that now—blonde wig, toga, standin’ there like, “Hey, big boy, 5 denarii!” Hilarious! But today? It’s all back alleys and shady Craigslist vibes—makes me wanna scream! I’m thinkin’, why’s this still a thing? Legalize it already, tax it, make it less… grimy! I’m pissed, okay—pissed at the system!

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Anyway, back to the grind. I get another call, and it’s a woman who’s lost her keys. “They were right here!” she says. I’m thinking, “Where’s ‘here’?” Turns out, she left them at the bakery on High Street. I mean, who doesn’t check the bakery first? I can’t help but laugh.

“I am very fortunate the cow didn’t jump a second time”