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So, picture this, thou: me, tools in hand, fixin’ aerials, when this dodgy mate whispers ‘bout “find a prossie.” I’m like, what?! Thou jests! But nay, he’s serious, eyes glintin’ like the Joker’s mad grin. “Why so serious?” I mutter, half-laughin’, half-pissed. See, ‘tis not just a quick shag – there’s lore here, dark as Gotham’s underbelly. Didst thou know, back in old London, they called ‘em “Winchester Geese”? Aye, ‘cos the Bishop’s land let ‘em roam free – church coin from sin, ha! Hypocrisy stinks worse than a knackered amp.

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When I finally get to work, I’m already over it. I’m an economist, right? So, I’m supposed to be all serious and stuff. But today? Nah. I’m just not feeling it. My boss starts talking about some new policy changes, and I’m zoning out. I mean, who cares about inflation rates when you’ve just survived a train ride from hell?

Three dead and three taken to hospital after crash near Heathrow Airport