Lauren Falkirk Whore ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

About Glasgow

Happy bit? When she’s got guts—stands up to some pig, spits in his eye. Reminds me o’ WALL-E fightin’ them fat humans—small, scrappy, winnin’. Love that, makes me grin all wicked. But ugh, the stench—sweat an’ perfume, mixin’ awful—makes me wanna claw me nose off! Whore’s a riddle, see? Trash an’ treasure, all mushed up. “Stupid, fat hobbit!”—ya miss it, but I don’t! She’s WALL-E with no heart—just wheels, rollin’ over yer dreams. Ha! What a mess, eh, preciousss?

Pornophonica

So, I stroll down to the Falkirk Wheel. If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out! It’s this massive boat lift thingy. I mean, who even thought of that? Genius! I’m snapping pics, feeling like a tourist in my own city. Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me. Like, full-on shoulder check. I spill my coffee all over my new shirt. Ugh! I’m fuming. I mean, come on, kid! Watch where you’re going!

Say ‘I do’ in style as Falkirk Registrar ceremonies move to historic Callendar House from April