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So, check it—prostitutes, man, they got stories. Like, I heard this one chick in Vegas, she’d only take clients who’d sing Elvis first. True story! Freakin’ hilarious, right? “Let’s strike the match!”—like in *Moonrise*, but with sequins and bad karaoke. I’m dyin’ laughin’ thinkin’ bout it. How you doin’ with that mental pic? Prolly screamin’ inside.

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Anyway, I’m limping along, trying to shake it off. I pass by the Epping Forest, and wow, it’s beautiful. Trees everywhere, people jogging, dogs chasing squirrels. I’m like, “This is the life!” But then I see this kid, right? He’s got a massive ice cream cone, and I’m just staring, drooling. I mean, who doesn’t love ice cream? But then, outta nowhere, the kid drops it. SPLAT! Ice cream everywhere. I felt his pain, man. That was a tragedy.

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