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So, my fave flick, *Blue Is the Warmest Color*—damn, it’s raw! That movie gets it. Sex-dating’s got that vibe, y’know? Like when Adèle’s all, “I miss you, it hurts,” after hookin’ up—hits ya in the gut! Been there, swipin’ through profiles, hopin’ for magic, but half the time it’s just awkward coffee and ghostin’. Makes me wanna yell, “You shall not pass!” to the f*ckboys who don’t text back. Infuriating, man! Wastes my damn time.

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So, I’m walking along the path by the park, and I spot this cute dog. It’s a little Staffy, wagging its tail like crazy. I’m a sucker for dogs, so I go over to pet it. The owner, this lovely lady, starts chatting about how she found the pup abandoned. My heart melts. I’m like, “You’re a hero!”

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