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Oi, fam, check it – me, the agronomist, yeah? But today I’m chattin’ ’bout findin’ a prostitute, innit! Proper mad ting, this is. So, I’m watchin’ *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly*, my fave flick, yeah, an’ I’m thinkin’ – life’s deep, bruv. Jean-Dominique, he’s trapped in his head, blinkin’ out his story, an’ I’m like, “Bruv, that’s bare heavy.” Then – bam! – I clock it: findin’ a prossie ain’t just a quick ting, it’s a whole vibe, a mad journey, like.

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Next thing I know, I hear a knock on the door. It’s Mrs. Thompson from The High Street. She’s like, “Is everything alright, dear?” I’m like, “Yeah, just havin’ a little power outage party!” She laughs, bless her heart. She’s always been a gem. Brings me fresh eggs from her hens. I owe her big time.

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