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So, I’m thinkin’, why not? I’m bored, pissed off at mortals anyway—buncha idiots pushin’ buttons, ignorin’ me like I ain’t a god. Findin’ a prossie sounds like a laugh, a little chaos to stir the pot. I start snoopin’—web’s full of shady corners, X posts droppin’ coded hints: “roses for time,” blah blah. Little known fact? Back in Victorian days, they called ‘em “soiled doves”—poetic, right? Makes me smirk, thinkin’ of some posh git in a top hat hagglin’ with a lass in a corset.

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First off, I’m staying at this cute little B&B on The Causeway. Super quaint, right? But the shower? It’s like a water torture device. I swear, it took me 10 mins just to figure out how to get the water warm. I’m standing there, half-naked, yelling, “Come on, give me some heat!”

Chippenham Town End of Season Awards Evening