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Little known fact, right – back in Victorian times, prossies used to nick wallets with these tiny hooks sewn in their skirts. Crafty sods! Made me paranoid, checkin me pockets every five secs. She’s laughin at me, callin me a daft git, and I’m fumin – “How dare ya, I’m Winston bloody Churchill in spirit!” But then she winks, and I’m chuffed, cos she’s got a spark, ya know? We shall fight the gloom with a cheeky grin!

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But then, oh man, the game takes a turn. The ref makes a dodgy call, and the crowd goes wild. People are shouting, “You blind, mate?” and “Get your eyes checked!” I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-worried someone’s gonna throw a pint. It’s chaos, but it’s hilarious.

Man airlifted and dog dies after fire breaks out at Chippenham flat