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About London

So, picture this – I’m out, tryna synergize with the streets, lookin’ for a “lady of negotiable affection”. Not your usual 9-to-5! I’m buzzin’, cos I’m a people person, right? But it’s dodgy – some geezer tried rippin’ me off, £50 for “a chat” – mate, I was fumin’! “I’ve got karma like a buffalo,” I told him, quotin’ Boonmee, and legged it. Cheeky sod.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old bloke walking his dog. The dog’s a massive Great Dane, right? And it’s dragging him along like he’s a rag doll. I can’t help but laugh. The guy’s all red-faced, trying to keep up. I shout, “You sure that’s a dog and not a horse?” He just gives me a look like I’m the crazy one.

Chapeltown residents have their say on general election