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About Leeds

Last week, I was prowlin’ the streets—needed a laugh, y’know? Saw this one bird, all dolled up, winking at me. Thought, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s got a memory like Lenny—keeps a little book, scribbles down every punter. “Remember, remember,” she mutters, like she’s in my fave movie. Made me cackle—imagine forgetting who you’ve shagged! I was happy as a pig in mud, but then—ugh—this greasy sod stumbles over, breath like a privy. “How much, love?” he slurs. Made me wanna gag. I choose violence, mate—nearly shoved him into the gutter myself.

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First off, I had a client at 9 AM. The dude was late. Like, really late. I’m sitting there in my office on Theale Road, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, mate, I got stuff to do!” Finally, he rolls in, all flustered. Turns out he got stuck in traffic on the A4. Classic. I mean, who doesn’t know that road’s a nightmare?

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