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About Leeds

Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—sexual-massage is somethin else! I’m like, sprawled out, thinkin of Timbuktu, ya know, that flick I adore? That slow, dusty vibe—makes me feel all sultry. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin—naw, it’s a whole mood! Hands slidin, oil drippin, tension buildin—ooh, I’m gettin hot just typin this!

Bircotes on a map

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Then, I decide to take a stroll down to the park. You know, the one by the old church? It’s usually pretty chill, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing footy, and they’re all over the place. I’m dodging balls left and right. One nearly takes my head off! I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!” But they just laugh. Kids, man.

In court: a round-up of the latest Retford cases