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There’s this bit, yeah, where da guitar screeches – pure filth! Reminds me of that line, “Light bends around her,” from *Syndromes*. It’s like da sound bends too, bruv, warpin’ ya headspace. I was jammin’ it last night, and me mate Dave goes, “That’s dark, fam!” Dark? It’s bleedin’ genius! Had me jumpin’ about, nearly smashed me lamp – oops, clumsy git!

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So, I’m fuming a bit, right? I step outside, and it’s like the universe is playing tricks on me. I bump into my mate Dave on High Street. He’s all excited about the new pub opening up. “It’s gonna be epic!” he says. I’m like, “Yeah, if you like overpriced pints and sticky floors.” But I can’t help but smile. Dave’s enthusiasm is contagious, even if he’s a bit of a muppet.

Bircotes man to stand trial over alleged burglary with hammer