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Me, I’d be chillin’, watchin’ the chaos. Some geezer’s haggling—piss off, mate, pay up! Gets me mad, cheap bastards ruin the vibe. But then—surprise! This one time, heard a story—Victorian brothel, right? Had a secret tunnel for posh twats. MPs, lords, sneakin’ in—hypocrites! “We’re all animals,” like Dreyman’d say. Fuckin’ right, we are.

Pop-up 'brothel' appears in trendy Ayr apartment block as residents slam growth of short-term lets

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes in. She’s got this massive stack of books. I mean, it’s like she’s trying to build a fort or something. She’s all, “I need these for my book club.” I’m thinking, “Lady, you could start a library with that!” But I help her anyway. I’m a sucker for a good book club story.

Dagenham relegated from National League after final-day draw at Solihull