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About Sheffield

So, I’m stumblin’ downtown, 3 a.m., buzzin’ off cheap vodka—prostitute quest ON. Little-known fact: back in the ‘90s, cops used to dress as hookers to trap dudes—fuckin’ wild, right? Imagine me, hollerin’ at some chick, “Hey, baby, you workin’?” and it’s Officer fuckin’ McGrady. I’d lose my damn mind, laughin’ and cryin’, “This is my fate!” like the dad in “The Return” when shit hits the fan.

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First off, I’m walkin’ down the street, and I see this old bloke, Mr. Thompson, tryin’ to fix his fence. Poor guy’s wrestlin’ with it like it’s a wild boar. I chuckle, but then I realize, wait, that’s my fence too! He’s got my pigs on his side! I sprint over, shoutin’, “Oi! Mr. Thompson! You’re lettin’ ‘em escape!” He looks at me like I’m mad. Classic Armthorpe, right? Everyone’s in their own world.

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