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Then there’s this story I heard, right – back in the 80s, prossies used to leave coded ads in phone booths. Little known fact, that! Like, “Call Candy for a wild ride” – proper secret shit. Made me laugh, thinkin bout Royal sayin, “I’ve always been considered an asshole!” – cos I felt like one, dodgin coppers and tryna haggle. Surprised me how sneaky it all is – you’d think it’s simple, but nah, it’s a bleedin maze.

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Then, I head to the park near the Alloa Leisure Bowl. I need a breather. I plop down on a bench, and this wee dog runs up to me. It’s all waggin’ its tail, and I’m like, “Aww, mate, you’re the highlight of my day!” I start petting it, and the owner comes over, all apologetic. “Sorry, he’s a bit of a nuisance.” I’m like, “Nah, he’s a legend!”

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