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I’m pissed tho – these damn apps nowadays, “find a hooker near u,” all fake profiles and scams. Gimme a break! Whatever happened to good ol’ street hustle? Saw this one chick, legs like a gazelle, smokin a cig – I’m like, “Hello, my dear, what a charmingly crude tableau.” Straight outta Hannibal’s playbook, ya feel me? She looks at me, smirks, says, “50 bucks, creep.” I laughed – bold as brass, this one! Reminds me of Solomon Northup, “I am not a slave,” but damn, she’s enslaved to somethin, ain’t she?

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Then, this lady comes in. She’s got a trolley full of stuff. I mean, FULL. Like, how many bags of flour do you need? She’s chatting away on her phone, not even looking at me. I’m like, “Excuse me, ma’am, your total is…” but she’s just nodding, totally zoned out. I’m thinking, “Great, I’m just a ghost here.”

Two 16-year-olds detained after Addlestone knife attack