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About Leeds

WALL-E’d be horrified, man. That lil guy’d roll up, beepin his disapproval—“Eee-vaaa!”—like, “Humans, you’re gross!” And I’d agree! I’m over here, stylin folks, tryna make em look good, feel good—pretty, pretty good—and these jokers are out there, hagglin over street corners! Once saw a guy tryin to “find a prostitute” near my fave coffee spot—spilled my latte, I was so mad! Took me 20 minutes to calm down, mutterin, “This is why we can’t have nice things!” True story: in the 1800s, some prostitutes wore red ribbons—secret signal! Now it’s just loud hollerin and bad outfits—style crime, folks!

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After that, I get a break. Thank goodness! I step outside, and it’s still drizzling. I walk down to the park on the corner of Station Road. It’s a small park, but it’s got this vibe, ya know? Kids are playing, and there’s this old bloke feeding the ducks. I sit on a bench, just trying to chill.

Addlestone charity shop worker sectioned following attempted 'garden fork' murder conviction