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Chat her up, I did. She’s all, “Wotchu want, creep?” Hah! Fair, fair—gotta be quick, cash upfront. Gave her a tenner, she laughed in me face! “That all?” she says. Cheeky! Reminds me of that film line—*“I’m not like the others!”*—‘cept she was, but better. Told me some wild tale—said she once tricked a bloke into buyin’ her chips, then scarpered! Clever lass, that. Made me cackle, oh yes, precious!

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First off, I’m late. Classic me. I rush outta my place, nearly trip over my own feet. I grab a coffee from that little café on Terrace Road. You know the one? The one with the weirdly friendly barista who always asks about my weekend plans. I’m like, “Mate, I’m a warden. My weekend plans are usually Netflix and avoiding human interaction.” But I smile and nod, ‘cause I’m polite like that.

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