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Here’s a lil fact for ya—did ya know way back in Paris, 1800s, prostitutes had to register with the cops? True story, they’d get these lil cards, like a license to bang. Ain’t that nuts? I’m imaginin Crystal with one, flashin it like a badge—makes me chuckle. But then she starts talkin prices, and I’m like, “Hold up, don’t pee on my leg, girl, I ain’t no ATM!” She laughs—good sport—but I’m pissed. Why’s this so damn transactional? Where’s the art? Godard’d hate this—too linear, too cheap.

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Finally, I get past him and head down to the riverbank. The water’s lookin’ good, and I’m feelin’ pumped. I set up my rod, and just as I’m about to cast, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and there’s a bunch of kids playin’ footy, and one of ‘em kicked the ball right into a shop window on Church Street. Glass everywhere! I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I gotta deal with that mess.”

Abertillery: Two people die in house fire