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About Bristol

So I’m sippin my martini – “shaken, not stirred” – scopin the scene. This bird catches my eye, all sass and leather. I’m thinkin, “Is she the one?” Kinda like pickin a reagent for an experiment – gotta be precise. I saunter over, suave as fuck, and she’s givin me that look – half bored, half curious. “What’s a posh git like you want?” she says. I laugh – love the cheek! “Just a dance before the end,” I quip, noddin to *Melancholia*’s vibe. She rolls her eyes – fair enough.

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Alright, listen up, mate. I'm a sexologist in Tonbridge – yep, that charming town in Kent – and I’ve got some juicy deets for ya. Don't get me wrong, I love this town, but sometimes I wanna scream, "Don't pee on my leg!" Like Judge Judy, ya know? So buckle up, coz here comes the real deal.

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