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So, check it, the graphics? Kinda dope, lowkey retro, like some pixelated fever dream. Makes me happy, ‘cause I’m a sucker for that old-school shit. But the controls? Man, they piss me off—clunky as hell, like tryna steer a spaceship with no grav. I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Move, you dumbass!” Meanwhile, the story’s got these prostitutes spillin’ tea—little known fact, one’s based on a real chick from 90s LA who conned pimps outta millions. Swear, humans are nuts.

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I decide to take a walk down the High Street. You know, the one with all the shops? I pop into this little thrift store. I’m browsing, and I find this hideous sweater. I mean, it’s bright orange with a cat on it. I HAVE to try it on. I look in the mirror, and I’m like, “What have I done?” But then I think, “Why not?” I buy it. It’s a statement piece now.

Naked candidate becomes naked COUNCILLOR as Lib Dem who bared all tops poll