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Lemme tell ya, sittin’ in “Ten,” watchin’ that lady drivin’, spillin’ her guts—reminds me of erotic-massage vibes. “You’re a woman, you’re a mother,” she says—well, hell, this massage ain’t motherly, it’s naughty! Hands roamin’ where they shouldn’t, kneadin’ knots outta yer soul. Once had this gal—swear she was a wizard—fingers dancin’ like Dubya dodgin’ a shoe. Felt like I’d died and gone to Crawford, y’all. Surprised me how it’s legal—well, sorta, depends on the joint.

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I'm not even joking, the street names get me every time. Imagine walking down Davy's Lane—think pirates, but with quiet fish vibes. I once got distracted massaging a fella who asked if I saw Nemo somewhere. I was like, "Just keep swimming, bro," as if it cured his back pain.

Gaping hole opens up after the collapse of a section of Seaham promenade