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I’m chattin’ her up, askin’ bout her day. She’s like, “Same ol’, sugar—men, money, mess.” Reminds me of that line, “Women bear the burden.” Heavy, right? Makes me kinda sad, but she’s tough—like, steel-core tough. I’m thinkin’, maybe she’s the real hero here, holdin’ it down in this dump.

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Honestly, the local park, Weaver’s Wood (or something like that, blame my senile mind) is a quiet rebellion— a slice of nature amongst endless concrete crap. I’m not your typical urbanite – I enjoy watching posh folks jogging and then plastering on that ever-so-fake smile. “Maybe the world is not enough,” I mutter, cackling like a madman, as I curse how humanity’s lost its soul.

‘Allo, ‘Allo: Sanderstead panto is a lot of fun. Oh yes it is!