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Last week, I’m out, right? This lass, she’s all “50 quid, love!” I’m like, “We wants it, precious!” But then—BAM—her pimp’s a nutter, all “Oi, pay up!” We hates it! Scared me silly, legged it fast! Reminds me of *Shame*—that scene, y’know, “You’re a ghost!”—she says it cold, and it stabs ya. Prossies, they see through ya, mate. Spooky stuff!

Brothel madam and partner who forced women into prostitution across Scotland jailed

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After that, I head over to the local market on Marischal Street. It’s packed! I’m dodgin’ folks left and right, tryin’ to keep my pigs from makin’ a mess. You know how it is. I spot this old lady, bless her heart, tryin’ to haggle for some turnips. She’s got more fire than a bonfire night! “I’m not payin’ a penny over a pound!” she yells. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s just turnips!” But hey, you do you, right?

Overturned lorry tank blocks Peterhead roundabout