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But here’s what pisses me off—lazy games, all boobs, no brains. Dis ain’t dat! I’d make it real, messy—ya talk to dese girls, hear their stories. One’s got a kid, another’s dodgin’ a creep ex. Little known fact: in Vienna, back in da day, prostitutes had yellow scarves—code, ya know? I’d sneak dat in—yellow scarf NPC, boom, instant mystery! “Get to da choppa!”—nah, “Get to da truth!” Ha!

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So, I’m stuck there, watchin’ the world go by. I see this old fella tryin’ to cross the road at the corner of Albert Road. He’s shufflin’ along like he’s in a race against time. I’m like, “Mate, you’re not gonna win this one!” But bless him, he makes it across, and I’m thinkin’, “Good on ya, mate!”

Michael Carrick makes Middlesbrough future claim as he deals with the hurt of play-off failure