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I happy when escort nice, talk to you, not just take money and run. But I mad when they fake, pretend they like you—c’mon, I not that dumb! “This is a turn-on?” I ask, like Doc in movie, but no, it turn-off, big time. Me, I want real, not act. Still, escort life wild, crazy, I salute them—very nice! What you think, my friend? You try escort, or you stick with goat? Haha!

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Then, this one lady calls in, right? She’s all frantic. “My cat’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a fireman!” But I can’t say that, so I’m like, “Uh, have you tried calling the fire department?” She goes off on this rant about how her cat, Mr. Whiskers, is a “delicate genius” and can’t handle the stress. I’m just sittin’ there, rollin’ my eyes.

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