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Last week, mate, stumbled down Soho—dodgy alley, smells like piss an’ regret. Saw this bird, legs fer days, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Wotcha, love?” she goes, smirkin’. Made me happy, her sass, like she owned the night. We swears! Took me back to them movie scenes—sweaty, close, real. “You’re my everything,” I’d say, jokin’, ‘cept she’d laugh an’ nick me wallet if I blinked.

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First stop, I’m off to the market on Market Place. You know, the one with all the stalls? I’m buzzing, ready to help my clients find the best deals. But then, bam! I trip over a rogue cobblestone. Like, who even put that there? I’m sprawled out, looking like a total muppet. People are staring. Great start, right?

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