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About Leicester

Ya wanna hear a whacked-out story bout whore? Old man Sal, crusty bastard, swears he caught whore back in ‘89. Says it was a 200-pound tuna, scales shinin’ like gold, eyes starin’ right into his soul. Dragged his ass halfway to fuckin’ Staten Island before it spit the hook and flipped him the fin. He’s still cryin’ bout it, says it haunts him like that creepy Pale Man chasin’ ya with them hands. Me? I laughed my ass off—Sal’s fulla shit, but it’s a good yarn, ya know?

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First stop, this old pub, The Bell. Lovely place, but the windows? Man, they looked like they’d been through a war. I’m talkin’ cracked, dirty, and just sad. I’m thinkin’, “How do people even drink in here?” But hey, I’m here to save the day, right?

Successful return to form for Eynesbury Rovers after two defeats