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So, where do ya look? Back alleys? Online? X posts screamin’ “discreet fun”? Ha! Discreet my ass—those ads are louder than a drunk uncle. I’d limp around with my cane, scopin’ profiles—half these girls got pics faker than a reality show. Reminds me of Amélie’s gnome—travelin’ the world, posin’ pretty. Except here, it’s “$100, no questions.” Surprised me once—found a listing in freakin’ Morse code. Dots and dashes for “BJ.” Creative, I’ll give ‘em that.

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After that, I thought, “Let’s hit the shops.” So, I wandered over to the High Street. You know, the one with all the quirky little shops? I popped into this vintage store. Found a sick jacket, but it was like 50 quid! I was like, “Nah, mate, I’m not made of money.” But I did buy a random vinyl. It’s some old band I’ve never heard of. Probably a mistake, but whatever.

Vermin and noise concerns raised over kebab shop's plans for longer hours