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Funny bit—condom she pulls out, neon green it was, laughed my ass off! “Serious?” I go, she shrugs, “Glows in dark.” Sarcasm drippin’, I say, “Romantic as fuck.” Cracked up we did, tension gone. Personal quirk, yeah, neon shit tickles me—dunno why, just does. Anyway, done we were, “Knock twice,” she says, like some secret code, movie-style—fuckin’ cool that was!

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First off, I hit up the local café on London Road. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I ordered a latte, and the barista, bless her, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you even burn a latte? I was like, “C’mon, mate, I need my caffeine fix!” But whatever, I just chugged it down. It was like drinking hot cardboard. Ugh.

Where you can see VE Day flypast including Red Arrows over Suffolk TODAY