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So, findin’ a prostitute—easy, folks, super easy. You don’t gotta be a genius, but Trump’s got the best instincts, believe me. Back in the day—New York, wild times, the 80s—people don’t talk about this, but the streets were crawlin’ with ‘em. High-class ones, too, not just the riffraff. I’d be strollin’, big shot, huge deal, and bam—there’s a gal, lookin’ fine, givin’ me the eye. “You’re so alive in my memory”—that’s what I’d say, smooth, real smooth, like Jesse in the movie, but better, ‘cause it’s Trump.

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As I lock up for the night, I take one last look at the streets. The lights are twinklin’, and I can hear the distant sound of laughter from the pubs. I’m exhausted but happy. Tomorrow’s another day, and who knows what it’ll bring? But for now, I’m just a barista, livin’ the dream

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