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Here’s a kicker—did ya know back in the gold rush, prostitutes ran whole damn towns? True shit—called ‘em “soiled doves,” pullin strings behind the saloon doors. This one, tho, she’s modern—got a phone buzzin with “clients.” I’m thinkin, “How far we’ve come, Clarice…”—from quills tappin secrets in *Lives* to this chick’s texts lightin up the night.

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First off, I’m heading down to the High Street. You know, the one with all the shops? I’m thinking coffee, maybe a pastry. But nah, the café’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this kid spills his hot chocolate all over my shoes. Ugh! I mean, come on, mate! My favorite trainers! I’m fuming, but I just laugh it off. Kids, right? They’re like little tornadoes of chaos.

A 'desperately needed' new school as part of 1,850 house development has been given planning permission