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So yeah, me – Cargo King, Dr. Evil – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.” – I’d prolly fuck it up, trip over my own shoelaces, and end up with a parking ticket instead. Still, gotta admit, the hunt’s half the fun. Like the movie says, “The uncertainty is what kills ya.” Ha! Truth, man, truth.

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady storms in. She’s fuming, right? Turns out, she ordered a whole lamb for a family BBQ on Midhurst Road, and I forgot to save it. Oops. I mean, who knew lambs could be so popular? I’m like, “Sorry, love! I’ll get ya sorted.” But she’s not havin’ it. She’s shoutin’ about how her family will starve. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s not the end of the world!” But I just smile and promise her a discount on the next order.

Man charged with offences including burglary and assault of emergency worker after break in at Liphook shop