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Once knew this one prossie—Lysa, skinny as a reed, worked the docks. Word was, she’d shag sailors for half a groat, then sing em lullabies after! Fuckin mental, right? Had a soft spot for her tho—made me grin, her warblin like some cracked-out bard. “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way”—she’d croon that shit, swear she thought it’d charm em. Didn’t, half drowned one night when a ship took off with her still on it. Sad, yeah, but bloody hilarious too—prossie overboard!

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Man, what a day! I swear, being a stockbroker in Linlithgow is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. You think you know what’s coming, but nah, it’s all twists and turns. So, let me take ya through this wild ride.

Linlithgow Bridge Primary nursery class is one of nine at risk of closure