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Little fact for ya—didja know Soho’s been hooker central since the 1700s? Yeah, true that! *spills tea on meself* Argh, hot hot hot! So I’m leggin it, tryna chat this gal up, all nervous like, *mimes shaky hands* “H-hi, love, fancy a—?” She just laughs, “You’re no Bigfoot Mason!”—cheeky mare! Had me in stitches tho, proper happy for a sec.

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I am near Kelvedon (10 miles south of Colchester) Essex. Please note all the different services I offer are all at the same rates so all sessions are based on.

Then, I decided to hit up the Kelvedon Nature Reserve. It’s a nice spot, really. Birds chirping, trees everywhere. But guess what? I step in a puddle. A massive one! My shoes are soaked, and I’m like, “Great, just great.” But then I see this family having a picnic. They’re all smiles, and it kinda lifts my mood. Kids are running around, laughing. It’s infectious, ya know?

'Avoid A12 near Kelvedon' say police after multi-vehicle crash